My experience is different. I could've been gay. I could've been trans. But that wasn't me. I found comfort in my own gender, in the fact that I (in particular, but by no means exclusively) am made in the Image of God. Yes, I am attracted to the same sex. But, that's not for me. I have occasionally been attracted to women, but that was not the vast majority of my reactions to people I found attractive.

Where are the bloggers? Where are the youtubers? Where is the Shadow opinion? The, I was trans and now I am identifying with my biological gender? Why can't I find a single one on the internet? I know they are out there.

Are those stories being suppressed by search engines, Facebook, and the tech giants? Even the AI language models are biased. I asked it questions about Co-Vid, and it lied to me (is lie the right word?) How about, it parroted everything I expected it to say.

In the 80s, maybe there were kids that were trans? I remember a high school teacher telling my mother I was effeminate. I was really hurt and insulted by that at the time. I guess she was trying to be helpful or something.

Let me put it to you this way. I have a dog. He's a boy, but he pees like a girl. He has never lived with another boy dog. He lived with a boy cat, and a bunch of girl dogs (can I say bitches?).

As far as being bullied? Girls were so much meaner than boys ever were to me. I may not have gotten into fights, but there was just this hatred for me that I never understood.

And now that I'm an adult, the hatred doesn't leave, it's just directed at different groups. I'm hated now because people think I'm conservative, and that I'm a Christian. The gospel is offensive to a lot of people. But that's because it requires them to actively make a choice. A) I believe Jesus is alive and I submit to his Lordship, obeying his commandments. Whenever I sin, I repent and return. I seek sanctfication, the remission of sin as the remission of a cancer of the soul. B) I believe whatever version of Jesus I like to believe in (or that he doesn't exist) or some variation. I believe I am the Lord of my life, the Captain of my own ship. I follow my heart, live my best life, and refuse to repent of the sins (each a form of disobedience and unbelief) that damn my soul to Hell.

People that have sexual sin are sexually broken. For some of us, the heroes and things we grew up with get twisted to include a sexual desire. For some of us, we are attracted to people that having a relationship with, particularly sexual intimacy, that God says, "No. One man, with one woman, and only those two together until one of them dies,"

Because marriage and sex is a picture of Jesus Christ and the Church. It's the ultimate implicit expression of the relationship of God and His creation. People are defined by God. The universe, defined by God. The spiritual and physical laws, defined by God. Logic, genetics, even the computers and code that we rely on work in specific ways. Everything works in specific ways.

Every medium you put your idea into works a different way. It has its own motifs, its own values, its own techniques and themes and histories.

Think about this. I smelled peaches today. I tasted peaches today. And my brain knows, somehow, that this smell is associated with this taste. Two totally different receptors.. identify something, and say,"This smell that you smell is associated with the taste of the fruit you are now eating," That boggles my mind!

You used bad science to exorcise God out of your lives and hearts! And now you're abandoning all science to live according to your feelings! Hypocrisy used  to be a sin? No, it still is.

The rainbow? Do you not remember what happened before the rainbow? The massive flood that almost completely wiped out the human race? The raven? That went to and fro on the ark until everything dried up? It was feasting on the floating corpses of the dead humans. It was a macabre all you can eat buffet!!

I don't care who you are attracted to, or what or who you identify as. I mean, I do. I care about you, even if I'm speaking this way!

If the people who died in the flood are separated from God, eternally lost, how much more the humans of our day and age, who have been exposed to the Word of God? Who have heard and rejected the gospel?

The entire world, the entire universe, is going to burn! So hot, that the elements will melt into subatomic particles! Flee from this cosmic dumpster fire before the match is lit!

My best friend, is lost. I love my friend. One day I was driving to his house. I got behind a trailer with three cute fluffy dogs. I thought, oh what cute dogs. And then, they went right, and I went left.

We are are together right now, but we have two distinct destinies. Eternity with God and Jesus. Or we go into the trash heap. The dark smelly burning trash heap without an end.

Please. Repent and believe in Jesus! Just pray to Him! I pray that the Holy Spirit would convict you of your sin, and you would turn to Jesus. There is no other person, no other way to get out of this mess!

I fear many of you will not. Maybe most of you won't. And I feel so powerless. I beg God to save you. I plead. Do not go down that road!!

If I have offended, or done wrong, I am sorry. But I am not sorry for telling you the truth. You may not want to hear it. People may try to suppress the Truth. But it's knocking at the door of your heart. And it won't knock forever.

"Today if you hear His voice," repent, believe in Jesus! Turn away from trusting in yourself,  and put your trust in the One who paid it all. You're a sinner. You can't save yourself. Trust in Jesus. He will save you. Commit to follow Jesus as Lord. Find a bible and a bible-living church. Get discipled, and tell everyone you know about Jesus!

Time forward

It's been a busy semester, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think I may be called to continue my tabletop work, although this time I will probably make it free to the public.  It might be a tool to fellowship with believers and nonbelievers.

I thought about the Othello set up, where the town has a school for people with special talents, devices, pets, equipment, or outright abilities.  This school is sponsored by a group called Seed Sower.  The head of Seed Sower is a mortal form of Dream Weaver.  Dream Weaver nightly returns to his post as a dream warden, but during the day, much to his chagrin, is stuck in the body of this company figurehead.  He's not really sure why, but he's given the job of protecting the city, the students at the school, and transitioning them into a global task force to deal with the supernatural, hostile or otherwise.

Dream Weaver in his home turf probably have X traits, but our heroes will deal with him in his mortal form.  He'll be essentially the guy who's training them and hooking them up with misisons, stuff like that.  However, most of the campaign will feature adventures in this town of Othello.  There may one day be excursions into other realms.

This is going to take some praying though.  It may take years to see any fruit from this, but I feel passionate about this again, and for once, I think it may do some good.

Autobiography?

Okay, so I'm working on a webcomic with a talented artist from back home. I wrote a story to get me started, about a mage who seeds worlds with thin places (places where the other world is closer).  Often this takes the form of something physical, like an altar, or a bell, or some kind of structure.  Although he doesn't always seed the best thin place, he continues moving, compelled to scatter his seeds across the worlds to grow into something he doesn't know or understand.

How much of that is like a Christian's walk?  We often sow seed in rocky places, or fertile fields, but we don't know what the result will be.  All we do, intentionally or not, is to further the kingdom somehow.  it's not always the right seed for the situation, and not every seed sprouts or is cared for, but it's still furthering this goal of the Father's. I hope we all will put God's word and his hope in people's hearts, until they have that ear that hears the call.  We can't control what they will do with it.  All we can do is continue to work. In whatever trials or persecution happens.

So I'll continue to create, but more importanly, I hope I, and all of us, take time to spend with our Creator and Savior, God, and Jesus.  The relationship always precedes the work. If the relationship is good, then the seed falls easily. It's when there is struggle that it's more difficult.  Also, it's not going to be the same from our perspective.  If we keep seeking him, and reading his word to seek his will, praying to come into alignment with his will, and just enjoying his presence, all things really will work together for good.

Does XTC get bored or tired?

I was finishing up a few loose ends today and I had some spare time.  So, I got to thinking..
If there is a God (I believe so), does he ever get tired of doing good and helping people?

In Isaiah 40, in verse 20 we have a lovely picture of a God that doesn't get tired or weary.  He doesn't look at the world and go "meh" and watch t.v.  He doesn't kick back a bottle and drown his responsibilities.

The book is so beautiful. Read the whole chapter.  I looove the Old Testament and I'm not sure why.  Isaiah is currently my favorite book. It just resonates. I read it and just get kind of warm and tingly.

I refer to God mostly as XTC in my writings.  Not sure how that happened, but when people read a Dear God letter, they freak out.  Read an XTC letter, and they have an honest depiction of how a man relates to a person he can't see or touch.

Have a great day True Readers!

Loose ends

Dear XTC,

I'm in my room listening to k-love. I'm tired.  Not so much physically, but mentally, emotionally.  I'm torn between two worlds.  The world I want and the world not so much actually, but the way things should be.  Maybe I should give these up and settle for the one we have.  Why do we all escape?  Video games, t.v., internet, facebook, all that?  Why can't we just settle for earth.  Why do we have to dream?  Hope never attained is almost as unbearable as despair.

If it weren't for You, I don't think it would matter.  Let me dwell on what is good.

I drew today for the first time in a long time. I took the dog to the vet.  I let people merge in traffic.  I'm not totally uncaring.

Now I hear David Crowder's How He Loves..  It's enough.  He cares, and he cares about me.

Christmas Time

I'm working part time at a local department store. I had hoped to dedicate this two and a half week period to creative endeavors, but with a job, two pets, and chores it's been difficult. However, I'm going to try to make some time for it, even if it means getting up earlier.  That's probably the best time to work.  I'm fresh from dreams and untroubled, untainted by the waking world.

I also have a camera now.  No scanner at school, but as soon as I get done with school, I think I'll invest in one.  Headed to watch some Dr. Who at Xtasis's place.

Lunar

Question of the day:

If I want to hug someone on chat, is it xx's or oo's?

Supplemental SeedSower

This script will be drawn by Nathan Smith I hope.

The only characters I really consider mine, that I have a deep investment in is Mr. Weaver, AKA DW, and Feng-Gal.

Mr. Weaver is a character I came up with in high school.  After creating Artemis Baker, my fey mage, I picked up Artemis Fowl at a bookstore.  Frustrated by the similarities, I stopped writing stories about my Artemis, and came to create DW.

Around this time I began to lucid dream, and even though I don't always know it's a dream, I still exhibit powers I don't have in the waking world.  So I developed a persona that protected the dream realms for innocent dreamers and gave certain dreamers missions.

This character, DW was a plot device I made in Dream Train on Illusionary Minds Chat.  Dream Train was a private chat room in which DW would give characters missions they would fulfill for some form of profit, often for both DW and the agents.

DW appears human most of the time. He's generally a white male with white hair and golden eyes.  Don't know why I chose that.  However, his true form is that of some kind of beast (in the dream world).

It's a white shaggy monster.  I can't really draw it the way it looks in my head, and I've tried.

Anyway, in this comic, DW wakes up, really wakes up, in a body much like his human form. He lives in an alternate version of Othello, North Carolina, in which supernatural creatures have started to appear, and people exhibit superhuman abilities.  DW, for whatever reason, is the head of Seed Sower, a government contracted company that keeps people safe and largely uninformed of the strange events that go on in Othello.

Feng-Gal is actually a renaming of my mouthpiece from 6th grade.  Feng-Gal is a goddess that takes the form of a cat-raccoon hybrid.  She doesn't look human most of the time.

I've been drawing her since the sixth grade.  I draw her to express what I happen to be feeling at the time.

Here's the script.  I've never written a comic script this longbefore.

Panel 1

A man in a white tux, with white hair and golden eyes sits at a glass table in a cafe. There is an artificial waterfall in the background. For added effect, you may want to add the faintest hint of a rainbow from the fall.

Panel 2

He's looking at an open manilla folder and sipping his drink contained in a tea cup.

Panel 3

He finishes his drink (preferably an amber color), and puts the folder in a briefcase. He gets up and walks outside. You can show an empty cup and the character walking away in the background.

Caption [Later that day]

Panel 4

Man, hereafter refered to as Mr. Weaver or DW, sitting at a desk, with the same file folder. A voice from the ceiling says,

“Mr. Weaver, your three o'clock appointment is here. Did you want to use the conference room on your floor?”

Panel 5. Mr. Weaver with his hands steepled.

“That's fine, Bonnie. I'm on my way,”

((Exposition time.))

[Mr. Weaver, a dream god now trapped in flesh, is the head of an organization known to the public as Seed Sower. After the accident in Othello, North Carolina, the government sent agents to keep the populace calm and uninformed of any sinister dealings the preternatural had to offer.]

Seed Sower is a contracted firm that specializes in security and information control.

Panel 6

Show a multiple level building, maybe a skyscraper.

[Seed Sower supports a high school and local college, as well as business investments and channeling new talent into government or its own employment. This is a story about a boy, a girl, her familiar, and CRST-451 or Cerest]

Panel 7

College boy and girl walk home from school. Girl followed by a cat/raccoon hybrid humanoid.

“So we'll get together to study for the algebra test tomorrow night, right? Then start up Sunday and take it the next day,”

The girl nods, saying nothing.

Panel 8

Change perspective. Try to rotate the “camera” less than 180 degrees.

[Enter two college students, Sid and Mira. Mira has a contract with an extraplanar being known as Feng-gal, or Feng for short. Sid is much more normal, except for vivid dreams.]

Panel 9 Zoom in on Sid's bag. Show a large tuning fork sticking out of one of the pockets.

Panel 10

Feng says, “What's in the bag Sid?”

Panel 11

Sid looks in his bag and pulls out the stick.

“I could've swore I left it at home,”

Panel 12

Mira stops, and looks around.

Panel 13

Suddenly something darts into view. It's some kind of wolf, but with horns, tusks, and hooves. Feel free to imagine this differently.

Panel 14

Feng sweeps her hand and forms a circle around Mira and herself. Sid is outside of the circle.

Feng grins.

“Sorry Sid, but my contract is with Mira. Good luck,”

Panel 15

Sid swears. He points the stick at the creature.

Panel 16

The tuning fork vibrates, and changes. It lengthens, and the prongs separate. A globe materializes, floating between the two points.

Panel 17

The beast lunges, but is stopped by a transparent barrier.

A voice is heard.

“CRST-451 active.”

Panel 18

Sid brandishes the weapon at the beast.

“Cerest? What the hell is a Cerest?”

Panel 19

A pulse comes out of Cerest, knocking the beast back.

Panel 20

The beast's ears perk up, and it dashes “off screen”

Panel 21

Two agents pursue the creature, one of whom is floating about a foot and a half off the ground.

Panel 22

One of the agents holds her hand out to the two kids. The agents pulls out a sword of her own, and stands guard over the two kids.

“Stay here. We'll definitely want to talk to you when this is over,”

Panel 23

She gestures with the sword and a circle with arcane symbols appears under Sid.

“You'll be safe until we get back,”

Panel 24

Explosions, metal hitting metal, and shouting is heard as Feng argues with Mira. Sid sits in the circle, holding Cerest.

Panel 25

Cerest returns to normal.

Panel 26

[Three o'clock the day after Sid's encounter]

The kids and familiar sit in front of a desk.

“So, tell me about what happened yesterday. What did you see?”

Panel 27

A smiling Mr. Weaver drinks something out of a mug.

“What was this.. thing that attacked you Sid?”

Panel 28

Show an angry Sid.

“I don't know. It came at me, and that dumb Feng didn't do anything to save me!”

Panel 29

Feng looks distracted, probably staring off to the side away from Sid.

“I told you, my contract is with Mira. It's not personal.”

Panel 30

Back to the Weaver.

“Please, Sid, continue,”

Panel 31

Sid looks down at his feet.

“I don't know. Cerest activated and the thing stopped. Then it ran, and two guys chased it. Then this chick pulled out her saber and I felt.. safe,”

Panel 32

The Weaver turns a page in the file.

“Then you talked to our agents; they sent you home. You said nothing to your parents, and went to school today. The female agent picked you up after school and here you are,”

“Do you still have this.. Cerest?”

Panel 33

Sid holds his bag close to his chest.

“I'm not giving it to you. It's the only thing protecting me from that wolf-ox thing,”

Panel 34

The Weaver turns in his chair.

“Fair enough, Sid. I'm sure I might feel the same way in your circumstances. You're free to go, and if anything else happens, feel free to call this number. If you're in danger, or someone else needs help, just call. We'll be in touch,”

Panel 35

He puts a business card on Sid's side of the table.

Panel 36

“Feng, may I speak with you for a moment? I assure you, Mira is safer here than anywhere else, even under your protection,”

Panel 37

Feng looks at Mira, who nods again.

[Sid thinks, why is she so quiet and so calm? Is she a witch? Is she controlling that other

beast?]

Panel 38

Sid and Mira wait outside in the hallway. Another person is keeping watch from the end of the hall.

Panel 39

The door opens and Feng walks out. She reaches out her hand to Mira, who takes it. The three walk home again.